


Green Light

by Draco_Rattus



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Heartbreak, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-26 06:50:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12551608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draco_Rattus/pseuds/Draco_Rattus
Summary: (NOTE: This is based on the song 'Green Light' by Lorde and not the Arashi one, sorry! It was written as a gift for my friend Joe.)When Sakurai Sho broke up with Matsumoto Jun it was far from amicable, mainly because Sho had discovered his partner had been cheating on him with an actress. But if he's so sure that it's over between the two of them, why is Sho finding it so hard to let go? And why does a simple task such as picking up his things from Jun's apartment prove to be so difficult?





	Green Light

_It's over._

Sakurai Sho tells himself the painful truth once more, not that he needs reminding. It's in his thoughts every waking moment, the fact that his relationship with Matsumoto Jun now lies in broken pieces, the recollections of the closeness they had once shared as sharp and painful as if those shards of memory had been broken glass. It had been Sho's decision to end it, but that decision had not been made lightly. In fact, he wishes that he hadn't had to make it at all.

_It's over, but I can't let go._

The break-up had been bitter and fierce, their arguments as passionate and frenzied as their lovemaking, their words a far cry from the unconditional love their lyrics proclaimed. He hadn't intended to snoop, but it had been such an easy thing to casually glance at the screen of his boyfriend's phone when it had pinged to alert him of a new message; Jun had been out of the room and Sho had looked over to see the text appear, the words brazen and unashamed. _Thank you for last night,_ it had read. _You were even more amazing than the last time. When can we meet again?_

Jun had said he'd been working late that evening, filming his new drama. It hadn't taken Sho long to put two and two together, to realise that Jun had taken a liking to his female co-star, and it was apparent they'd been working on some action together not only behind the scenes but behind Sho's back, too. Anger had come more easily than crying, although that had followed soon enough, and this from a man who normally struggled to shed even a single tear.

_I thought he loved me. I definitely loved him. I still do._

Their relationship hadn't progressed to the point where they'd moved in together yet – perhaps that had been for the best. Even so, they'd stayed over at each other's houses often enough, sharing meals, sharing their beds, even sharing clothes when they'd needed clean shirts at short notice. At least when they had split up, it had made it easier for Sho to have some time and space to think.

_Possibly too much, though. And he's still got some of my belongings at his apartment._

He wants them back, and sooner rather than later, but that's going to involve having to speak to Jun, possibly even having to see him in person. That's something he's going to have to do anyway if he wants to continue being a member of Arashi, but at least when it comes to work there will be other people around. No, to get his things back from Jun's place, he's going to have to go and see him alone.

_I'll do it sooner, rather than later, so it's over and done with. Like ripping off a plaster to quickly overcome the pain._

Picking up his phone, he dials the number of a local taxi company, one he's used before. One he can trust. It's one of the hardest phone calls he's ever had to make.

=========================

Bundled up on the back seat, Sho glances out of the taxi window at the world passing by, hoping – even if only for a moment – that he can somehow forget why he is here in this car, why he is travelling alone across the city, but he hopes in vain. Jun's face is everywhere he goes, flashing past on billboards, smiling back at him from the pages of the magazines in convenience stores. Even the radio refuses to give him a moment's peace as Arashi's most recent single starts to play, and he winces at the sound of Jun's voice, remembering all too easily that same voice uttering such delicious promises into his ear not so long ago.

_But they turned out to be empty. Was your heart empty, too?_

“Should I turn it off?” The taxi driver, having clearly recognised who Sho is – and also recognising his look of distress – gestures with a gloved hand towards the radio itself. Perhaps he thinks the idol is sick of hearing his own songs on the radio all the time. He is. “I can change the station, or...”

“It's fine. Leave it on.”

 _There's no point in trying to escape Jun now,_ Sho realises. _Not when I'm heading to his apartment, and I'm going to see him in person. That would just be trying to delay the inevitable. Still, I should probably tell him I'm on the way. I'll grant him that much of a courtesy, at least._

Pulling his phone out he brings up Jun's number on the screen, but hesitates for a moment. They've barely even spoken since they split up. No, he has to do this now before he thinks about it too hard, and he forces his fingers to move on the keypad, raising the device to his ear and preparing himself for Jun's familiar greeting... but he needn't have bothered. It rings and rings, once, twice, three times, five times, eight... no answer. Jun doesn't pick up.

_He said he'd be staying home today. He said he wanted to spend some time working on his hobbies. Maybe he's left his phone in another room._

With a half-hearted smile to himself, Sho abandons the call and shoves his phone back into his pocket. 

_Maybe I've made enough excuses for him already._

=========================

It doesn't take long for the taxi to arrive at Jun's apartment. There's a small parking area outside, and Sho – handing the man a sizeable tip – asks him to wait while he collects his things, so he can take him home again afterwards. The driver nods, understanding that the generous amount Sho has given him covers not only the cost of the fare, but also media silence.

The apartment itself is up a short flight of stairs, and Sho fights down his trepidation as he bounds up them, jabbing a finger at the buzzer to announce his arrival. At first there's no reply, but he refuses to take no for an answer; he rings again, waits a few moments more, then bangs on the door itself, knowing that the sound always wakes Jun even if he's sound asleep. Just as Sho is on the verge of giving up, abandoning the venture as a lost cause, he hears the sound of footsteps from inside the apartment, and he steps back to await Jun's appearance. 

It's not intentional, but Sho tenses at the mere thought of seeing the man again. He squares his shoulders, his hands jamming stiffly into his pockets, his body language defensive even though Jun was the one who had been at fault. Even as he hears the familiar click of the lock being turned, there's a part of his mind telling him it's not too late to leave, that if he walks quickly enough he can escape down those stairs before Jun even notices that he's here---

“Sakurai-san?”

That part of his mind is wrong.

“Sakurai-san!”

The door opens just a crack, just wide enough to reveal Jun's face appearing in the gap.

“What are _you_ doing here?”

“Matsumoto.” Sho returns his ex-lover's formality with a greeting of his own, his words accompanied by a slight incline of his head. It's definitely too late to turn back now. “I've come to get my things.”

“Huh? Now?”

“Yes, now. I did call ahead.” Sho gets his words in first before Jun can protest. “I rang you, but you didn't pick up.”

“So you came round anyway? I might not even have been home, I...”

“You were scheduled for a day off today.” A half-smile from Sho, unable to hide his smugness at being able to second-guess Jun, even now, even though he already has his suspicions as to why Jun didn't answer his phone straight away. He'd been an idiot not to realise it sooner. “And I know you wanted to spend time working on one of your new trees, so I figured I'd head right over.”

“One of my trees? Is that what I said I---”

“Yeah. An aspen. Remember?” Sho sounds accusatory. “Or was it some _other_ kind of seed you were interested in planting?”

“Jun-kun?” A female voice suddenly interrupts from the direction of what Sho knows to be Jun's bedroom. “Who is it, Jun-kun?”

“Jun-kun?” Sho snorts. He'd cry if this whole situation wasn't so ridiculous. He recognises the voice as belonging to the actress Jun had been cheating with; clearly he hasn't finished with her just yet. “Better not keep her waiting, Jun-kun.”

Although he purrs the man's name it's clear that he speaks it with malice. His lips used to form the words as though they were a prayer, but now he says them like a curse.

“Please...” Jun's face visibly falls, as though he is disappointed by Sho's actions. “Don't be like this, Sakurai-san...”

“Don't be like what? Don't make a break from the man who led me on, lied to me, and betrayed me?” Sho shakes his head, manages another sour laugh. “You had your chance, Jun. You threw it all away for her, and that's _your_ problem.”

And even as he speaks he pushes his way inside the apartment, not caring at the way Jun makes a sound of protest and grabs at the towel which is held – albeit loosely – around his waist, seemingly helpless to do anything but watch while Sho begins to do a sweep for anything which belongs to him. A small pile of guide books for a trip to South Korea which they'll now never take, a couple of shirts which are hanging over the back of the couch, DVDs from a show they'd been watching together but which Sho will now have to finish watching alone.

“Sho, wait---”

“For what?” Sho is checking that the DVDs are all back inside the case, making a sound of annoyance when he realises one is missing, and he goes over to eject it from the DVD player himself. “Wait for you to give my stuff back?”

“All you had to do was ask.”

“How long a wait would that have been, huh? You could have brought it over today, but apparently you're...” Sho waves a hand in the vague direction of Jun's bedroom. “...busy.”

Jun doesn't have an answer to that. Instead he folds his arms across his chest – well, he would, if he weren't still using one to hold up his towel – and takes a few moments watching Sho while his ex-partner moves around picking up a few more odds and ends which belong to him. Even now Sho can't deny that Jun cuts a damn fine figure standing there wearing almost nothing, bare-chested and with a thin sheen of sweat causing his hair to curl slightly... sweat which he's worked up bedding the woman he'd been cheating with.

_Don't forget that. Don't let him sweet-talk you again._

“So message me! Or at least leave a voicemail!”

“Message you? Like _she_ did?” Yeah, apparently Sho is still bitter about that, and he scowls while he shoves a small pile of his shirts into a bag, places some books into a box. “And when would you have got back to me?”

“Later today, I---”

“Jun-kun?” The woman's voice again, more insistent this time. “Is everything all right?”

“It's fine.” Jun calls back in the direction of the bedroom, although Sho is under the impression that this is very much not fine, and that thought entertains him somehow. “Just give me a few minutes.”

“A few minutes?” Sho snorts again, the sound empty and humourless. “You're not going to just throw me out now so you can get back to her? I know how much you hate to be kept waiting.”

“You're still important to me, Sakurai-san.” Jun's voice is softer now, as though he is keeping his voice low so his lover can't hear him. “We still work together, we—-”

“We're not friends.” Sho's statement is final. How can they remain friends after what Jun has done to him? “We're done.”

“We're done?” Jun almost sounds panicked. “What do you mean, we're done?”

“I meant we're done on a personal level. We can still work together, if we have to.” Sho nods in the affirmative, because he does at least enjoy being an idol, whatever happens. “I might have been stupid enough to let you string me along for weeks, sure, but I'm not stupid enough to throw away my career.”

“Sho-kun...”

“I'm Sho-kun again now? Oh, _please.”_ He casts a last glance around the apartment, satisfied that he's collected everything – everything which isn't the bedroom, anyway. Much as he's gained some satisfaction out of seeing Jun squirm, he doesn't want to see that. “I'm not going to jeopardise your job, if that's what you're worried about.”

“That's not what I...”

“What, then?” Sho is at the front door now, his hands full of his things, turning back to glare at Jun confrontationally. “You miss me? You're thinking maybe you made a mistake? Too bad, Jun. You messed up. Now deal with it.”

“Please, Sho, I...”

But Sho is already walking away, walking down the stairs, not trusting himself to say anything else without sounding plaintive, desperate. He can still hear the sounds from within Jun's apartment behind him; footsteps and a raised female voice, presumably Jun's new lover having a heated conversation with him as he tries to stick up for himself, and Sho allows himself a moment of twisted satisfaction knowing that his presence has caused Jun some difficulty. 

_Not that it's worth the heartbreak, but I'll take whatever small victories I can get._

The taxi driver raises an eyebrow as Sho opens the back door of the car and starts to sling his belongings inside, taking more care with some than he does with others. The bag of clothes is wedged hapharzardly behind a seat - it'll take more than one wash to rid them of Jun's scent – but the box of books is placed almost reverently on top of them, despite a rising urge to throw them out into the street. Jun probably didn't even get around to reading half of them.

“Sho!” Just as he's taking his seat and putting on his belt, he glances up at the sound of Jun's voice. Jun has some clothes on now, and he's running down the stairs and towards the taxi. “We need to talk! Please! I made a mistake--”

 _Too late,_ Sho thinks. _You only realise now she was a mistake? You should have considered that before you answered her calls. You should have thought about it before you jumped into bed with her._ He turns away from Jun, looks straight ahead, and tells the taxi to drive off.

=========================

It's not until they reach the corner of the block that Sho realises Jun is following them. At first he assumes the running man he can see in the rearview mirror is somebody out jogging, but then it clicks, and he realises they're wearing the same clothes which Jun was only just wearing because it is Jun, and he's running after the taxi as fast as his legs can carry him.

_What the Hell?_

And then the taxi is turning onto a main road, the traffic flowing but at a slow pace, slowly enough that somebody at running speed could probably keep pace with a moving car. Sho glances out of the window at Jun tearing down the pavement beside him, but he feels so detached from everything that it's as though the whole scene is happening to someone else; like he's in one of those scenes in a drama, where the hero is running like some kind of idiot down the street, chasing after the female lead to profess his love to her for the finale.

 _Idiot. He always was a complete fool for that kind of thing, trying to act so smooth but coming off like an utter moron._

He used to find it endearing. Does he still? There's no time for him to consider it though, as the taxi draws up to the next junction and stops; the green lights here have turned red, causing a small line of traffic to have formed, and Sho sighs with irritation at the delay.

_Damn it, I didn't need this. I really, really didn't need this at all. Why did he have to go and do something so stupid, so reckless, so ridiculously... romantic?_

And that's when he realises.

_I do still love him. I still want him. If the light doesn't change – if it stays on red, and he catches up with us - then I'll probably do something stupid and give in, just to hear him say he's mine again, just to know that I can always hear my name in his voice. If the light changes to green, though, then that's it. We're over. We're done. But if he runs a little faster..._

The lights change to amber.

_Run._


End file.
